We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
