i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
