There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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