you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
