you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
