You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
