My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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