Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
