my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
