"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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