"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
