i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize