My room smells like vodka and shame
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
