That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
