mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
