There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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