I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
