I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
