dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
