I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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