I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
