Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
