I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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