I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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