My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize