what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
