In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
