What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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