Redeem this text for a blowjob
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't deserve a penis
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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