You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize