I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
