You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
