A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
