i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
