when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
