Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
