Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize