Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
