I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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