I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
