just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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