I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
