It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
