it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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