i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
