I cockslap morals
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
