what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
