his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
