Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize