Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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