Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
