Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i out mim tonsoeep
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
