honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
