I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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