Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
