I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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