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i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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