the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
