I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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