So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
is it fun? or sober?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
