How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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