3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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