I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
