one two three fourrrrnication!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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